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New Trainer Design Gives Prey the Upper Hoof over Predators

A new design of trainer from the renowned Pray for Prey athletics company has given many animals the upper hoof over their predators, with some commentators predicting the innovation opens the way for a new type of evolution among wild animals.

The trainers, specially designed to fit snuggly around the hooves of lots of different prey, have a super-springy design inspired by the feet of Kangaroos and Springboks, making the average gallop of an animal 12% longer.

While 12% might not sound that much, the lead designer at Pray for Prey told us, “Most hunts are very close-run things, with inches and millimetres making the difference between being captured and escaping free. Our new trainers give prey better agility, making usually high-risk tight turns much easier, and improving acceleration away from prey in the crucial first 20 seconds of the chase. Our shoes are literally saving lives.”

Predators have been up in arms about the new design, appealing to the World Hunting Organisation (WHO) to ban the design on fairness and equality grounds, arguing it is an unfair, unnatural advantage in the great Game of Life.

The WHO have yet to release their ruling and did not respond when we contacted them for comment, but not everyone is downcast about the new release. Predatrainers, the leading athletics company for predators, are said to have a new design in the making, and insiders suggest they will now ramp up the price and make up to five times the revenue they had planned for.

A leaked email between company directors said they expected to ‘literally make a killing’ on the release of the new shoes.

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